225px-Gilbert Stuart Williamstown Portrait of George Washington-1-

Despised taxes

George Washington (Febuary 22, 1732 - December 14, 1799) was the 1st President of the United States, elected in 1776 [1], and served as Commander in Chef of the Americans during the Revolutionary War, where he performed daring feats such as sailing late night down the Potomac, eventually causing the Brits to surrender. He is remembered today for being on the one dollar bill and the quarter.

Early life Edit

As a child George cut down a cherry tree. When his father asked him if he cut down the tree Washington replied "I cannot tell a lie". He attended Washington high school where he earned a letterman jacket in football baseball and basketball. Then he attended George Washington college and earned his degree in sports medicine.

Life before the Revolution Edit

George married Martha Washington and they decided to settle down together on a plantation. Here Washington would invent many items such as peanut butter. Eventually he became sick of paying taxes though so he decided to start a revolution. He threw a tea party and met other Founding Fathers such as Thomas Jefferson and James Munro. They threw a bunch of tea into a harbor and the British decided to send Benedict Arnold after them. Washington decided to write the Declaration of Independents. He went to the top of Mount Vernon which was literally Plymouth Rock and God told him what to write. Washington etched out the Ten Commandments and brought them down to his people, who were told they could no longer worship the British which was a false idle, instead they should pray to the free market which says no taxes.

Revolution Edit

The war started in 1776 when Redcoats massacred everyone in Boston in retaliation for the Tea Party, which has disturbing parallels with what Obama is trying to do today. However Washington would not allow America to fall on his watch. At first Americans were to scared to do anything but Washington told them to get a grip. Hindus and Moslems may run from battle but he remided them that they were a CHRISTIAN nation under GOD and that means never running from war. Washington organized all the Founding Fathers and taught them how to fight. They sent Paul Revere to go around and gather up troops and soon all the Americans were armed and ready. They stormed all the forts daily and killed every Englishman who refused to admit that taxing people is socialism which is WRONG. The English tried to get the French and Indians to join them and soon they had Washington cornered. But Washington led an expedition down the Potomac Rivers in the dead of the night and when they gave chase they fell right into his trap when they followed him into Fort Sumter. There was one way in, so all of them went through the hall and got stuck and were literally sitting ducks stuck in the thick of it. Washington fired upon them with arrows from all his archers and the armies were routed. Soon the English and the British both decided they wanted no more casualites and sent General Cornwallis to surrender. Cornwallis wanted negotiated terms but Washington said we want ALL of America and if you got a problem with that say something right now. Cornwallis didnt say jack and thats when everyone knew that he was a just a scared little woman like everyone else from the Nanny State. He knew he couldnt even be snide or Washington would slap him right there so he signed the document giving America all of America.

President Edit

The Americans wanted to make Washington there king but he said that true capitalism cant thrive under a king and they would have to make him president instead. Unlike Obama who wants to be Obrien from 1984, Washington think one man should have all the power and instead wanted people to have the power. Instead of how the British just listened to the king, he decided America should have a parliament which would be known as Congress for the separation of powers. So he became president with John Quincy Adams as his vice president. Together they wrote the Constution which says that you cant tax anyone, and socialism is WRONG. He was also presented with the Articles of the Confederacy which were to long to read but he decided to skim all of it and it seemed like a good addition to the Constution. As President he spent most of his time pallin around with other Founding Fathers instead of with terrorists. Obama should take a lesson from that. Washington was against abortion, he thought that killing unborn children was the same as when you kill born children which is a sin, bad, and downright mean. He also was for the flat tax. Washington served for 8 years and then decided to retire on top like Brett Farve or Jay Leno.

Later life and death Edit

George and Martha moved to a quiet neighborhood and became a phallonthropist but soon there idyllic life was shattered by a mischiefous kid named Dennis who lived next door. Dennis was always playing pranks and eventually George had a heart attack and died. Part of this may have been due to his use of carcinogens which caused him to loose all his teeth.